Now, we all know that cheating isn’t a gender thing. People from all walks of life cheat.
But a discussion about the reason behind women cheating was sparked when a curious Reddit user posted the question “Ladies who have cheated: why did you do it?” the user asked. “As a man, I’m curious as to the psychology of why certain women cheat.”
And so what was the reply?
Well, I can’t give you a definite answer but what I can promise you is that there was an abundance of viewpoints concerning this issue.
Out of the multitude, we picked out the top 15 of the most coherent and sincere answers to the question posed above.
And so here they are below.
Anonymous. “I used to have a bad habit of letting relationships drag on far past their emotional end. I would fall out of love with these men, but I didn’t realize it until I had fallen for someone else, and by that time I was contemptuous and disillusioned enough with the relationship that I didn’t really care how it made the guy I was dating feel. I would end up kissing the new guy and breaking up with the old guy immediately after. Essentially the cheating served as the catalyst for ending a relationship. I finally recognized this habit, and now I pay more attention to how I feel in a relationship and break it off once it’s clearly over instead of hanging on out of routine and comfort.”
User “pewpton.” “I had a crazy boyfriend who attempted to control me from afar. If he didn’t know what I was doing or where I was 24/7, he would spam call me and “like” comments/photos/etc. on facebook and message my friends. Also, he was a loser who lived at home with his mom with no job, while I was working and going to school. I always had to drive to him (an hour + drive) because he had no money and no car. I broke up with him several times, only to get suckered back in because he would threaten to kill himself.
His controlling, psycho-mind game attitude drove me to cheat on him. I have nightmares about him still.”
User “weekendoffender.” “Wasn’t happy with my partner. He didn’t give me the attention – mentally, emotionally or physically that I needed. I loved him, but I felt like he kept me around to pass the time. My best friend though, he gave me all the attention I needed & made me feel like the $3xiest woman in the world.
My ex made me feel like a $3X toy.”
User “searedscallops.” “I was a chronic cheater. I was acting on my needs for multiple $3xual partners, but I didn’t have a model of how to do it ethically until I was in my 30’s. Once I discovered the polyamory model and began to live it, all of my cheating stopped. That’s part of the reason I’m so open about poly now and why I talk about it so much – I wish someone had told me about this model when I was 17. I could have saved years of heartache! Alternatively, I suppose I could have thought up the poly model on my own, but I don’t consider myself intelligent enough to do that.
Regarding cheating up or cheating down: looking at it that way is disgusting. No one is better than or worse than another.”
User “Megandharma.” “I was afraid. There was serious talk of him, my now ex, taking up a new job and moving to NYC. He wanted me to come with him. This meant I left my comfy and awesome job in a smallish town, to the unknown in a very large busy city. I was only 20 at the time.
For the two weeks he spent in NYC scoping out the place and working in his potential new position I cheated. I really can’t come up with a better reason other than fear. There was no emotional attachment to the guy I saw. It was just $3x. When my ex-returned, I told him what happened and explained how I felt. He was pissed of course, but we worked through it, and he didn’t take the job in NYC.
I’ve stopped dealing with fear in such a poor manner now.”
User “Averses” (part 1). “We were fighting constantly; he was an alcoholic with no friends, no drive, nothing. He rode the train home every weekend to go drinking with his high school friends and would go on to complain he didn’t have money, friends, or time to do his work. (All pretty easily fixable if he just didn’t go home every weekend) We had been friends for years before that, so of course, we would be a great couple.
Well, I remember someone who I was close to visited me, and we were both absolutely smashed. We went back to my room, and he slept on the floor. In the middle of the night he climbed into my bed because we were cold (had no sleeping bag). I was in that half awake/not knowing what was going on stage, so I didn’t protest. He then got handsy and kissed me. Like I said, I was aware of what was happening. But it didn’t feel real. I sort of went along with it for a while, then I ‘woke up’ realized what was happening. Stopped and said “I’m done” and immediately disengaged him. I was so torn up about it I felt sick for days and eventually told my bf. He revealed that he had cheated on me during his numerous clubbing ventures but didn’t want to tell me cause it would cause a fight. He also demanded I completely cut ties with the guy I had cheated with. Which I refused on principle. He broke up with me.”
User “Averses” (part 2). “I didn’t really cheat up, the dude I did it with was in a sorry state at the time. My ex then picked up a new gf immediately after moaning about how ‘he wasn’t sure if he could trust again’ and didn’t want to do long distance again (his gf now is long distance) for a couple of weeks, dropped out of college completely, and now lives at home drinking with the same high school buddies in a podunk town. This was a couple of years ago.
And before everyone freaks out about the assault-y-ness of the incident, me and that friend have talked it out, and we’re ok now, and I don’t regret saying I would continue to be his friend.”
Anonymous. “I have only ever ‘cheated’ once. I was on a long vacation and on my flights there I decided to break up with my boyfriend. It was during a school break and the only time I ever had to really think about the relationship without other stimuli. We were completely incompatible, and as a result, our relationship sucked. I made out with a guy at a club but refused $3x. Broke up with the BF when I got home.”
User “redtoyotaprevia.” “My relationship had been going down the shitter for some time. We were both depressed and were just feeding off each other. He showed his depression with anger, sadness, and frustration. I showed mine by being cold and withdrawn. I had become numb to everything. One night I go to a party. I was high and drunk. Fucked out of my head. I met a guy there (come to find out he was married). He expressed interest in me. We had $3x.
I was not even attracted to him because who he was was pretty irrelevant. It was about being in a mutually shitty relationship, me being in a really shitty, low place in my life, and making a dumbass decision that still makes me want to throw up to this day.”
User “Captnyesterday.” “I kept telling him I wanted to break up, and he would basically go all Seinfeld on me and say ‘no,’ showing up at my house like normal and trying to carry on as if nothing had changed. So, I called him from my new guy’s house and explained the situation. After that, he accepted that we were over. And then started threatening to kick my new bf’s ass but at least he wasn’t still clinging to me.”
User “tr33hugger20” (part 1). “So I have cheated twice, and both were very different.
1) I was happy in my relationship, completely in love, but for some reason, I had a nagging thought of “what if I had been with this other guy?” The other guy was a friend, and we had feelings back and forth for a while. The curiosity got to me in a weak moment, and we got together once. Frankly, the $3x wasn’t that great, probably because the whole situation felt wrong to me.
I regretted it immediately and felt horribly guilty. I eventually broke up with my boyfriend and told him about the cheating. We later got past it and got back together (not together anymore for different reasons). Today, I do not regret it. If nothing else, it taught me how important my relationship was. It also taught me how horrible I felt betraying someone I love.”
User “tr33hugger20” (part 2). “2) I was not very invested in my relationship and was quickly starting to think that it would end in not too long. My best friend, who I was 100% in love with, was visiting me in town. We hooked up, and it was the best thing that had happened to me in a long time. I felt no guilt. I would have done it again if she had stayed in town longer. I never told my boyfriend. I do not regret it to this day, however, in the future, I would dump someone if I didn’t care about them enough to be in that situation.”
User “DiMyDarling.” “In my case, my relationship was already over in my mind. I’d fallen in love with someone else and planned to break up with my boyfriend. I just wanted to wait until after the holidays; they were always hard for him and his family because his mother died around that time several years before. I didn’t want him to have to deal with all of that and a breakup. But things moved way faster than expected with the other guy. I still feel awful about it. I should have either waited or broken up with my boyfriend before anything happened. I broke up with him the very next day.
For what it’s worth, the guy I left my ex for and I stayed together for 5 years and had a great relationship.”
User “isthiswitty.” “I cheated…because I could. The end realization was that I wasn’t very happy with my relationship at the time. Neither of us were (we’ve talked about it in a civilized manner since). Things were stale, and we were young, and I cheated, and things blew up.
Was he an amazing guy, any girl would be super lucky to be with?
Absolutely. Was I an idiot to have ruined all that? Bet your ass. Were we going to end one way or another eventually? Like all relationships that begin at 18, without a doubt. We would have broken up. Eventually, my actions just became a catalyst. It was an awful way to have it end up, but it would have ended regardless.”
User “Theunknowncompanion.” “I don’t know if this is classified as cheating, but I guess in a way it is. I went on OkCupid to just make friends and talk to people. I had no cheating motivations, and I don’t meet up with people I talk to online. I had a very stressful relationship and wanted to talk to people no strings attached. None of my messages were remotely flirty or $3xy, but regardless, my bf found out and immediately broke up with me. That was one month ago.”
User “treazure24.” “I cheated because I was not fulfilled by my partner. I cheated again for the same reason. I realized the third time around that I was polyamorous and put that out on the board. Cheating stopped. I’ve had two long-term and very successful primary relationships since discovering polyamory and several $3xual relationships. No cheating. No dishonesty. A tiny bit of jealousy here and there, but generally happy relationships.”