There are some questions that need to be addressed. These questions would indicate what type of relationship you are in.
This could come in handy for someone who is just getting into a relationship with someone or has been in a relationship with someone for some time now. From time to time, we have to reevaluate our lives and take steps towards making it more productive, more efficient and happier. When we are trying to evaluate our relationships, we may be staring a partner who checks all the relevant boxes that are our standard criteria. They may have their lives together, and they may even be in the same circles of friends and acquaintances, but for some reason, you guys don’t just click.
And since the reason for this misunderstanding of guy rejection eludes you, it only magnifies the uneasy feeling that you already feel and increase your levels of anxiety.
Your confusion comes from the fact that you haven’t asked the right questions about your partner. And this article is about helping you create a series of questions that would aid you in fully understanding your partner and making an informed decision on whether it is wise to continue with them.
These questions come in the form of negative and positive affirmations that can help you spot the underlying problems of the relationship. So you start by creating a list of the negative and positive questions that you would sincerely have to answer. When you do answer some of these questions, you can then decide if continuing the relationship will be fulfilling or if your effort would be a waste of time. While you do this, always keep in mind that your happiness should be the main criterion.
We would be looking at a case of a lady whose own list is shown below. She had been seeing this guy for about 12 weeks now and had slept with him on their 8th date. But she must have had her doubts because she called me just after meeting the guy two more times.
And as predicted, she had consulted me because she was having these moments of uncertainty and confusion. She wasn’t really sure if she was comfortable being his girlfriend. And yet she was also not comfortable with the idea of being lonely, and so she wanted to see me got some advice.
Now, you can study the sample as a map create some sort of relationship inventory to evaluate and decide on the type of relationship you want to be in. These are the two steps that lead her to take so that she could make a very educated decision that would yield results that best fitted her.
Relationship Inventory Part 1:
First of all, I told her to put down a list of all the positive characteristics that she admired in her potential partner. And when she was through with that, she also had to do the same for all his negative attributes.
This is how it went.
Remember that these are the woman’s own choices and preferences. This would, of course, differ from one woman to another. These things are usually based on what you like or what is compatible with your personality.
1. He’s an old friend, and that has helped with our rapport up until now.
2. He’s kind and caring.
3. He’s gentle.
4. He has a good job.
5. He’s financially stable and seems like someone who is financially disciplined too.
6. He’s intelligent, and we have very deep and meaningful conversations from time to time.
7. He’s romantic and emotional intuitive too.
8. He has a good sense of humor, and that can brighten my day, and so I like that.
9. He has no ex-wife or kids, and that reduces the likelihood of financial burdens of family drama.
10. Gives compliments
1. His lives too far away and distant relationships can be the most emotionally unsettling adventures anyone can embark on. And I call it an adventure because it can end at any point in time.
2. He has too many health issues.
He has a lot of health issues, and that can be more than any I can handle.
3. He hardly has any friends. He is an introvert and doesn’t feel comfortable having friends. He would prefer to bury himself in work.
4. He goes to bed much later than I like to.
He works a lot and would go to bed at a later time than I am comfortable with.
5. He doesn’t like to travel.
He doesn’t like to travel for vacations, and that is something that I love. I see that as a big red flag.
6. He is a pessimist and is always preparing for the worst, and I see that hindering progress. All real advancement and development come from being on an optimistic offensive instead of being on a pessimistic defense.
7. He suffers from severe OCD and anxiety, and that can be nerve-wracking at times.
8. He’s a homebody. I love to go out, but he doesn’t and would rather stay at home.
9. He doesn’t satisfy me in bed; we aren’t just compatible in that area.
10. He wants to talk on the phone much more than I do, I am more of a people person and would prefer to communicate in the flesh with them. But for him, he is comfortable with that.
11. We have serious political differences, we just don’t get along there, and that can be very uncomfortable.
12. He brags about his ex-girlfriends. This is something I really don’t understand. How could someone derive their self-esteem from the kinds of ladies that he has had a relationship with? And another thing here is that he does paint all of them in a bad light.
13. He complains about other people too often and can be very intolerant of other people. He would rather stick what he is used to that try something new.
14. He is constantly talking about his problems and is impatient when it comes to listening to the struggles of others.
15. He isn’t generous and finds it very hard to help other people in need.
As for the woman, once she had put down a list of his good side and not so good side, she studied it. It was only then that she suddenly realized that the bad outweighed the good. She had put down as much as 15 undesirable traits as compared to the ten good ones.
Then I had to ask her, what her priorities in life were. I went further to instruct her to put down a list of the top 10 of those priorities and then match them what he can help you accomplish. The goal here was to find out if her man could help her get to the goals she had laid out in the top ten priority list.
Relationship Inventory Part 2:
Put down a list of the things you want to accomplish in your life. Then you can put a yes or no beside each of them based on whether or not the man can actually help you get there.
1. Travel — NO
2. Home — NO
3. Generosity — NO
4. Sex — NO
5. Social — NO
6. Conversation — NO
7. Bedtime Compatibility — NO
8. Romance — YES
9. Compliments — YES
10. Friendship — YES
When it came to the woman, it was obvious that the man could only fulfill 3 out of the ten things she put on her list. That meant that relationship she had with the man could only better her life in just 3 of the ten important aspects of her life.
But then, she also found out that this situation meant that the man wasn’t going help her improve her life in the other seven important aspects of her life.
So when it comes to evaluating your relationship, it is important that you compile such types of lists and then take a good look at all the information you have gathered and try to give your most well-informed answer to the most important question of this whole process.
“Is this person going to make my life better?”
When it comes to that woman’s case, we can all see that the negatives of the relationship are much more than the positives. That isn’t a situation to be happy about, but at the same time we can say that she now knows her relationship problems, it was no longer some monster by the corner. She knew exactly what she was dealing with, in the relationship.
And so she had to make one of two decisions.
1. She could talk with her man to find ways to improve on the other seven aspects of her life. They could look into the areas the man isn’t performing well and see if he could make some kind of improvement.
2. Or she could just decide that the juice wasn’t worth the squeeze and leave the relationship altogether. She just had to look for a way to leave the relationship and then look for someone whose was a better fit for her.
She decided to go for the second decision. I also tried my best to let her know that she shouldn’t feel guilty for trying to get out of the relationship. That there was nothing wrong with looking out for her own interests. Her deciding to leave an unfulfilling relationship a deep respect for herself. And also it meant that she now has a better chance of finding someone who would meet her desires.
Someone who loves her enough to satisfy her physically, emotionally, sexually and spiritually. That definitely made her feel better. She said it felt like the bogus pressure she had constantly been feeling was first of identified and then removed from her.
Now for you guys out there, it is always important to know that you are worthy of someone who loves and respects you. And that being single or alone is far better having to be in a relationship with someone who you don’t really want to be with.
Remember that relationships don’t make everything in your life better. You owe yourself to better your life. Take control of your life and become the best version of yourself. The right person would come along