I wish that my inner battles weren’t real and that they will just somehow go away. I don’t really like to say anything about them to anyone because I don’t want it to make me a burden to the people that care about me. Having them constantly worry about me managing my issues is something that I don’t want at all. I don’t feel any shame about my troubles either; everybody’s got one after all.
Sometimes, I want just to let everyone know that I’m having a hard time just as they are but my need to be the grounded one overrides that impulse. I take it upon myself to be there for them, to be the level headed one when everything is going crazy, to be the one they call upon when they need things done. Although, I sometimes feel so alone in my struggles, somewhat like no one is going through the same things I’m going through, and so I keep quiet because I don’t want them to know just how messed up I really am. Sometimes, it feels like this is all one long battle with myself.
Once in a while though, I have to remember that I’m just as human as they are with flaws and all. And in these moments, I want to open up a little and just let them know what’s going on with me because if they truly love me, they wouldn’t care about how fucked up I am, they’ll just be there for me no matter how weird and baseless my struggles are. And for the moment that I think about this, I feel less alone in my inner battles until my need to be Supergirl overrides them. Sometimes, I feel that this need to always be a dependable person is second nature to me probably because I’ve trained myself to always be the strong one.
However, if we could finally realize that our loved ones are there for us and would love us to depend in them as much as they depend on us, we would feel less alone and a lot better. They want us to talk about what’s going on with us so that they can help not to feel better about themselves. They want us to share our problems with them so that they can help us work through them and once you share your struggles with them, it feels less lonely in your mind.
I knew that sometimes we shy away from telling them about our struggles because we feel like maybe we are disappointments and you don’t want to see that look of disappointment on their faces. But it isn’t you know? Your battles aren’t disappointing, not to you nor your loved ones so don’t feel ashamed to open up to them. Although you want them to go away, they won’t, your struggles are genuine, and you don’t have to feel lonely about it, other people have them. I have them, and you’re not alone at all.