Now the truth is this; women can be difficult at times. They could be happy one moment and then lash out at people the next. And most of the time these are people who haven’t done anything to deserve such treatment. But if you notice that that is a reoccurring situation in your relationship, then you might have to reflect on your relationship. If any of these signs listed down the article are familiar with your relationship, then you need to rethink your relationship and take actionable steps to stop such a cycle of abuse.
For we women, from time to time, we could bow under the pressures of life, and that could make us snap in other aspects of our lives. And then we begin to be harsh in our actions and with our words. Most women regret and quickly apologize, but with an abusive woman the situation is never ending and she hardly ever sees anything wrong with what she does.
For the men, being with an abusive wife who doesn’t show that she is willing to change by actually changing, would end up ruining your relationship and even your life. If you have put in effort to change your relationship for the better and it still isn’t going well, then maybe you should leave.
Here are 10 signs that you are with an abusive wife.
You can be abused in different forms and they include withholding love and affection from you, using verbal and psychological abusive behaviors, such as the silent treatment and psychologically damaging words, and sometimes the abuse could become physical too! If you are in such a relationship, know that it’s not right and that is not a normal way of life. If you love and respect yourself as a human being, then you wouldn’t continue to take in such poison in the relationship.
It doesn’t matter what commitments were made before such abusive behaviors. If you decide that you would stay for your kids, then know that you are doing more harm than good. You are teaching your male kids that it is okay to stick with abusive partners who have no respect for you. And that could mean that they would grow up, seeking such toxic partners too. And if you have female kids then you are indirectly teaching them that it is okay to disrespect their future husbands also.
And so you finally find out that not only did you put up with bad behavior for nothing, but you ended up hurting those that you love. Nothing can be more hurtful and regrettable than that.
So take the right steps towards having an amazing relationship with your wife and if it doesn’t work out despite you putting in effort to make it work, then leave. It doesn’t automatically make you a bad person if your marriage fails – that’s just life. That is what’s best for the both of you.
We all know that whenever the topic of abuse in relationships comes up, most often than not, the men are being viewed through guilt tainted lens while the women are talked off as the victims. Yes, that scenario is more prevalent, however, there are cases where the man suffers the abuse from the woman. Just as women might unknowingly be in an abusive relationship with men, so also can men unknowingly be in an abusive relationship with women and below are ten sure signs your wife is abusive.
She downplays you before others
One of the signs of a good partner is a partners ability to make his or her partner look good before others even embellishing some facts. However, if she talks down about you to other people including her close friends and family, then she does not value you at all. For instance, she discloses your secrets, failures and hurts to other people in a condescending manner, or is forever telling her friends what a disappointment you are then she is abusing you emotionally. This could be because she feels inadequate and seeks to feel better by taking away your self-worth and controlling even the way you see yourself.
If the thought of her brings fear and unease
When a person thinks about their partner in a relationship they tend to have warm fuzzy feelings accompanied by fluttering butterflies and a smile. However, if all you feel is fear and unease, then you are definitely in an abusive relationship. One of the biggest tools abusers use is their ability to instill fear in their victims. Using this fear, she has robbed you of your emotional peace, happiness and, invariably, your freedom. You do not want to set her off for fear of what her reprisal will be, and so you endure things you shouldn’t because the fear of her anger is greater than your happiness. If you feel this, then you are being abused.
When she always gets you back
No relationship is all roses and rainbows. In fact, a good relationship takes a lot of hard work, compromise, respect, and love, and as what always happens when two different human beings are together, offending one another once in a while is not amiss. However, it is expected that in a healthy relationship, when one partner offends the other, he or she would apologize and the offended partner would let it go while the relationship advances. However, if you have noticed that she always gets you back for every offense and perceived offense, then that’s a sign that you’re in an abusive relationship. For instance, you forgot to call her after she got sick the night before and you apologize, but then you get hospitalized, and she doesn’t come to see you. When you ask, she reminds you of your previous offense. This is a glaring sign that you are in an abusive relationship.
She doesn’t listen to you
I’ve heard it said that the greatest key to a successful relationship is communication. A relationship without communication is heading to a disastrous end with mishaps, like misunderstandings, on the way. However, it becomes something else if you are communicating your fears, unhappiness, and problems with your partner and she ignores it. This is abuse. Many abusive partners are mild, if not full-blown, narcissists and so they only pay attention to themselves. You could talk and complain until you are blue in the face and she doesn’t pay attention or just goes on doing what she wants irrespective of its effects on you. If this is what you experience, you should know that this is a classic sign of abusive relationships.
Controlling and doesn’t compromise.
Compromise is an integral part of every relationship, and any relationship that lacks compromise does not have good things in its future. However, in an abusive relationship, one partner mostly does the compromising. So, if you find yourself only going out to the places she likes, eating what she likes, eating where she likes, watching the movies she likes, and generally doing things her way because she gets very unreasonable if you don’t, then you are in an abusive relationship. She is subtly controlling you in every way. With this negative attitude to compromise comes an extremely controlling sidekick. Her reactions to you getting your way become a guilt mechanism used to keep you in line- doing what she wants and only what she wants.
She monitors and stalks your every move.
This has always been a classic sign of an abusive relationship. Monitoring. There’s nothing wrong with your partner wanting to know your whereabouts or about your day but things become wrong when it becomes an obsessive need to know about every second of your day and to censor your every action. In abusive relationships, some women go as far as stalking their partners and demanding pictorial and even third-party proof as to your whereabouts and actions; keeping their partners in a state of fear and unease. This particular sign is very dangerous because it comes with extreme feelings of jealousy and suspicion. These two accompanying feelings can destroy relationships faster than you can say, Jack Robinson. So, if you notice your partner questioning happy hour with your coworkers or demanding an explanation to why you spoke to “Jennifer” your friend’s sister for more than 3 minutes, then it’s time to leave that abusive relationship.
She chases away your friends.
It is a gradual process that ends with you waking up one day and thinking, “Oh, I haven’t spoken to Mike in a while,” or “I haven’t hung out with the guys in a long time.” She monopolizes your time and somehow always gets you to postpone the boys night you’ve had with your best friends since you were freshmen in college until they don’t call anymore. Other times, she might always pick a fight with one or all of your friends making it uncomfortable for them to be around her and since you’re always with her, they natural stay away. This is a big tool abusive people use to make sure that you have no one to talk to. They remove your pillars so that you’ll have no one to complain to when things get tough. If you have experienced the first statement, then she is definitely abusive.
She’s always putting you down
If getting told what a terrible person you are is a normal daily occurrence to you, then you are in an abusive relationship. Couples quarrel once in a while and say some things that don’t mean out of anger, but if every day, she gives you a list of all your shortcomings and fails, then she is abusing you. She is systematically breaking down the foundation of your self-confidence and self-esteem until you get to the point where you begin to believe her. This makes it harder for you to believe that you deserve better. This is one of the biggest reasons victims of abusive relationships stay. They don’t believe that they deserve better. If you realize that lately, all you hear is how terrible you are, then it’s time to leave that abusive relationship.
She denies you her love
If she denies you her love when you do not do the things she wants, then you are in an abusive relationship. When your wife begins to use her love or sex as blackmail to carry out her every wish, often being very nasty and passive-aggressive towards you if you do not then, you are in an abusive relationship. If she uses her love to control you and keep you in line, then she is controlling you using what you crave and need from her. This might come in several ways like not preparing your favorite dish, withholding sex, withholding care, and giving you the silent treatment.
If she physically abuses you
It sounds almost ludicrous and ridiculous. How can she beat you? However, it does happen. If she is quick to lay her hands on materials in the house to cause you physical harm, then she is abusing you. She most probably takes advantage of the fact that you would not retaliate by hitting her during an argument. So, if lately, 90% of your arguments end with you sporting a bruise or two, then you are most definitely being abused by your wife.
Being with an abusive wife can be likened to hell on earth. Nothing you ever do us right, she puts you down, she hits you, she places the spotlight on your inadequacies, she monitors you, and is super possessive of you; you are being mentally, emotionally, and physically abused, and this can lead to lower output at work and a sadder life.
If you are experiencing one or more of these signs, then it’s time to leave that relationship for your well being and increased lifespan.